I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You left your underwear on the fireplace
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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