Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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