I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
