toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
