I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
