Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
