she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
