the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
