So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
