So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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