Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
