Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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