Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
