Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
