That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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