I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize