ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
