In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
