apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
