whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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