You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
