we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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