Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
