Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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