I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
