doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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