So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
