Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
