you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize