I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
