At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
last night I used snow as a chaser
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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