It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
