Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize