I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
