I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
