I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Walk of Shame today included voting.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
