i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
