i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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