if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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