I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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