If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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