Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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