While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
