their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize