He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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