You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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