My hand turned me down
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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