I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
