he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
