If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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