She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
