I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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