Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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