69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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