i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize