Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
