I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
