so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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