I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
