it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
