it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
