Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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