i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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