he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
