I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
