I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
