dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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