So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
