He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize