All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
